H is for Hope

two of my roommates spent an entire day (I assume) cleaning our nasty apartment.  I came in, sat on the couch and acknowledged nothing.  Fairly soon, I realized everyone was staring at me.  Without turning my head, my eyes rolling from one roommate, to the next, and finally to the other unassuming roommate, who I had arrived with, said, "oh, it’s clean!!"  To which I promptly looked around bewildered, thinking, "was it dirty?"  Our fearless leader, the alpha female looks at me, and my instinct tells me to run.  "You don’t even notice a difference, do you"  I reply, "I guess I just wasn’t raised to appreciate cleanliness."  To which, I have never lived down.  The truth is, I was and I wasn’t, raised, that is. 
This admission of loving cleanliness is dedicated to all of the family, roommates, b/f’s, cats, dogs, and Murtew that have had and presently live with me.  Note to those presently:  you have no idea how far I’ve come.  Now that the entire first floor of our house is covered in soot from the ‘environmental’ chimney guy, I see the light!  Clean is good, dirty feet, not so good.  Like many expectations in our society, cleaning is one that is not closest to my hearts desire, like working out.  But clean is.  And healthy, statuesque (albeit short) body is….  Could it be that I am learning something?  This may appear a shallow example, well, I won’t argue that.  But really, right now I’m sitting in a house I’m not sure I should breathe without protection in.
In two weeks I am thirty, and my goal is to settle the dichotomy within myself.  Last night, during a fit of insomnia, my goal was to be an infommercial star, so realize, I am fluid in my ‘goals’.  However, I would like to adopt the zen philosophy if it can be done now, do it.  Or something like that.  Referring to tasks I could muddle over for a week that could be done in a five minute intentional act.  If it is a dirty house, so be it.  We live comfortably enough, a bit of soot damage is good for me !?.  If I can’t sleep due to the amount of animal hair in my sheets and bug bites on my legs, wash the f’ing sheets and remember bug spray. 
This, however is not the official goals of 30′dom, which I shall explore a bit more before unfolding.  They will be made with the full acknowledgement that it is much like new year’s & birthday combined.  I can state the top of list:
To be more grateful, always.

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