H is for Hope

It’s cold, and I just stepped in water from my leaking refrigerator with my socks, for the second time. My socks had actually just dried because I am resting them, feet and all, directly on my radiator which apparently emits heat for up to 4 inches away. I live in a big cold house that is beautiful and I shouldn’t complain about at all. It just needs to be energy efficient-ized because I’m pretty sure there must be heat radiating from the exterior for all the leaky doors and windows. On a cold night like tonight, maybe there is a beautiful orange aura like a halo to be seen from afar. I am a “northerner”, specifically a “midwesterner” and should be used to the cold. But western oops. Western North Carolina is a very confusing climate to me. A few days ago, forgetting the calendar date, I was sure it was spring. I even have blooms coming up in the garden. I don’t know what they are, but they are green and they have arrived. I struggle with my desire for warm weather. It is like many struggles in my life- to live consciously, eat organic, hate global warming VS. over-indulging and wanting to be warm. Being grateful vs. being a whiney ass.
Apparently I missed out on quite the Asheville scene this weekend. I dog/cat/bird-sat for my mother. Ten animals in a three-room, no door space. It was incredibly peaceful until it was too COLD to go outside and I got cabin fever with three dogs, three cats and four birds, one of which I almost set free. There shall be other wild weekends and the good part is I was inspired to sketch out a really huge canvas that has intimidated the hell out of me since I bought it. I love art supplies, so much so that sometimes I am afraid to use them. I forget the exact measurements and have a mental block at guesstimating space with any precision- but this canvas is bigger than me. (And I’m 5′2″ on a good day.) I am always worried about my content in art. I have heard it said in writing, “write what you know”. I’m trying to think of a parallel of that for visual art and have decided, that at least, in a block, fuck that and just write, just paint, just create. Intellectualize it after the fact, if at all- it’s all already working together.
I often have spells of intense inspiration but rarely act on them. Or give the project about fifteen hours of my life and move on. But I’m learning. I took a somewhat crazy spell one week ago and started tearing the wallpaper off (pre-meditated as in within the year, not that day) and opened up Pandora’s box. That is one project I’ve already put my max on and still have steam. That could be due to the motivational high that comes with sanding lead paint. Who knows.

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